Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Non-Jews are for practice
no, he came in my armpit
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
