Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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