What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
