How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
