also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The power of my boobs compel you
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
