So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
