Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
