Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
