I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
