apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
