I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
