Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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