I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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