so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
