I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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