I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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