What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
