Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
