Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
