We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
