I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
