my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Let's paint friendship bongs
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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