Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it because I queefed?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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