That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
