what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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