I accidentally burped into my bong.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
