Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to sanitize my soul.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
