history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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