The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
