Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
