Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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