The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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