Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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