Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
