How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
