Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
