tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
