I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
