I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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