Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
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He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits