I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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