someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?