Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.