So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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