why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize