real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
