but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
