Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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