i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
