his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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