K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize