No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
