That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
