Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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