He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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