Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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