I wish I could punch you in the face.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
