I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
