critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
