After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
