okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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