Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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