kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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