She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
