the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
