Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
