I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I could make wine with my vomit
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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