how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
