oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
how drunk are you?
Several
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
