eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
