a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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