Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
