just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
