the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
