I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
