I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
