i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
