he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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