Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
that is very illegal...i love you.
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