She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
