What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
